[Original post date December 13, 2018]
It’s been 3 weeks since I made that visit to my doctor and asked for medication for my postpartum depression.
Today was my follow up to see how things are going and the single word and biggest feeling that I’m now carrying is OPTIMISM. I now truly believe things will get better - are getting better, and my excitement for my life will come back - is coming back.
Over the past 1.5 years I can recall so many times where I’d lay on the couch in the evening, bawling without being able to pinpoint why or explain it, crying to the point of a headache and having an emotional hangover the next morning.
In those times I felt no hope, no optimism that things would or could get better. “Is this how it will be forever?” I’d ask myself over and over again.
I feel a difference 3 weeks later, my husband sees a difference, and even my doctor saw a difference in me today.
The first two weeks were hard, when the side effects were exactly as my doctor said it could be as I adjust. My heart felt like it was going to explode I had so much anxiety. I had to reaallly slow down, sit (sooo hard for me!), be in silence, and know that the anxiety was just a side effect and remind myself there wasn’t actually anything to be anxious about. My husband reminded me on the days it was the worst, “you’re in the hardest part, stick with it and it will get better.”
Since my initial post, two women I’ve never met before messaged me to say they went and asked for help. A third woman, very near and dear to my heart, asked her doctor for medication after suffering with postpartum anxiety for almost a decade. I can’t help but tear up every time I write or say that out loud. I know there are so many more of you - know your strength and know that you are doing something so great for yourself by asking for help.
Here’s to hearing music and wanting to dance again, laughing more, better sleep, wanting to be social, and an increased sex drive.
Here’s to optimism, and knowing there are better days ahead.
I mean, there will still be days like yesterday where I wanted to give my child away after a verrrry short nap and intense tantrums for 2 hours straight, but still, brighter days ahead.☀️