Your Non-Negotiables for Thriving


The thing(s) that you need regular doses of in your life in order to thrive – or at least be closer to the thrive end of the spectrum than just surviving.

My husband and I had a great chat over breakfast this morning discussing what our non-negotiables are and making plans for each of us to get more of them in our daily or weekly lives. “Non-negotiable” being the thing that not only makes us feel like we can breath deeper and more calmly DURING the activity, but that also carry over into the rest of our day, week, or month. Mine? Working out. Not much of a surprise what it is, but the surprise is how long it’s taken me to get to the realization just HOW important it is to me. Not just working out, but going to my favourite CrossFit gym and getting coached by someone else, surrounded by a stand-up group of people ready to do it with you. My husband said his is alone time. Like, ACTUALLY alone time. Not just me being out while the toddler naps (‘cause you know you are never “OFF” when they’re napping). I think it’s kind of funny that mine is to go surround myself with a bunch of sweating people throwing weights around to loud music, and his is to surround himself in the silent company of simply himself. There is absolutely no right or wrong – I’m sure in a group of 100 people there’d be 101 different answers to “what is your non-negotiable?”

For me, identifying this as a non-negotiable made me realize a few things:

  1. Just HOW important it is to take care of ourselves
  2. That we need to ask for help to make these things happen or they just won't (usually)
  3. Sometimes the things that we label as "too much to ask for" or "selfish" are actually REALLY important to our well-being.

For so many months I've felt like if I have childcare I need to work, to make money to pay for the childcare. Finally, I started going to the gym, and while that makes me zero dollars, I FEEL so much better that day and the day following.

Sometimes, we NEED to be selfish. "Selfish" doesn't have to have a negative connotation associated with it.

The idea behind this is that we want to thrive a little more, just not survive day-to-day. Becoming parents has drained us both and we’ve seen it in ourselves and each other. We know we need to give some attention to our self-care, and addressing our non-negotiables is our starting point.

Where this idea of non-negotiables came about was last week while listening to the Tony Robbins podcast on the 6 human needs (episode from Sep.16/16). Tony identifies 6 profound needs – needs that  are beyond desires or goals – that every human is trying to fulfil. They are: certainty, uncertainty (or variety), significance, love & connection, growth, and contribution. The basis of the podcast discusses how these needs drive our every action, but for me the take-away was something profound for where I’m currently at.

Tony’s findings are that if one thing in your life manages to fulfil 3 out of the 6 needs, you’ll become addicted to it – this “thing” could positive or negative. 

While listening to the podcast, I realized that going to gym fulfils not one, but FIVE of my human needs. The gym is my non-negotiable. For me, it hits certainty (I know I’m going at these regularly set times and day), uncertainty/variety (the workouts are different every single day), connection (as an entrepreneur and stay-at-home mom I crave adult interaction with like-minded people), and growth (skill building & PRs).

If you had to name ONE thing, that not only brings you joy or calm during in the moment but carries into the rest of your day or week – what would it be? I’d love to hear what yours is below in the comments!

P.S. In case movement is one of the things that helps your sanity, my Summer Strength program is on sale for $39 for the August long weekend until Monday night (Aug.3/18-Aug.6th/18)! Click here to join today.